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The Changing Role of Grandparents (Lifestyle Therapy)
Susan Leigh is a long established Counsellor and Hypnotherapist.See www.lifestyletherapy.net for more information about her practice.
As more and more families are separating and becoming estranged so increasingly grandparents are being relied upon to step in and provide financial, emotional and practical support. In some families both parents may be working, either by choice or necessity. Help may be needed in either a hands on way, like with childcare or practical help with chores, or a hands off way, as in financial support.
The older generation, today’s grandparents, are now fitter and more active than ever before and so often will have the time, energy and means to be able to step in and fill the gaps for the family. They are often more settled and so have the time and patience to be able to contribute and help.
An important advantage is that grandparents are able to provide a link with the past. They enable us to appreciate and understand our own history and traditions, where things originate from and why. These memories give us an insight into the emotional world of our family, where certain traits and attitudes came from and so help us to understand our parents as well as certain aspects of ourselves. These behaviours are called inter-generational learning’s and are not genetic characteristics but are the attitudes and mannerisms that are often noticeable in members of the same family.
In spite of all the help and support that we may well need, certain things have to be considered when bringing grandparents into the mix.
- In most families there are often two sets of grandparents, maternal and paternal. Often after a divorce there can be inequalities as to how the grandparents continue to meet and mix with the new family dynamic. One set may well be excluded, whilst the other set comes to be relied upon more heavily. How does this compare to what went on before and is that fair on the grandparents and the children ?
- It is important to allow the people who are providing all this invaluable help to share the good times and not just the bad times, to be included in some of the fun and happy times, not just the chores and tough times.
- Mutual respect is a vital component to a successful relationship. This means that any disagreements occur in private and not in front of the children. Times when help is needed are booked in advance out of respect for each others time and personal commitments. Matters like discipline are agreed in advance - over things like food, bedtime, TV.
- Appreciation is important. Be thankful for the help that is given. It is a big help having laundry, cleaning, time, money provided, as well as the time and reassurance in knowing that the children are being looked after by someone who cares about them. Demonstrate how much it matters and how you value it.
Grandparents can have the luxury of a second chance with their grandchildren. They often value being able to do things how they would have liked to have done them the first time around. And this time they are not as pressurised with career and other factors. They are often not as stressed and do not have the same external distractions and concerns. They can be more paced and calmer about things that might upset or distress a younger, less experienced person.
The truth is, older people and children often get on very well. So, if there is no real grandparent living nearby why not 'adopt' one into the family. Many families have token aunts and uncles. A token grandparent would be a valuable addition also, and provide great benefit to the older person as well as to their new family.
For further information:
The Changing Role of Grandparents
Lifestyle Therapy
3 Alstone Drive
Oldfield Brow
Altrincham
Cheshire
WA14 4LD
United Kingdom
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News Ref:2046
Retirement - How to Age Gracefully (Lifestyle Therapy)
Susan Leigh is a long established Counsellor and Hypnotherapist. She often works with clients who are at a cross roads in their lives. Sometimes it can be about changing needs in a relationship, or in living arrangements, but it can often be about facing redundancy or retirement. Visit www.lifestyletherapy.net for more information.
Redundancy, whether it be voluntary or compulsory, brings its own issues. Often clients are concerned about the financial implications, even if there is a lump sum payment from work. Many people are concerned about what the future may hold in terms of their future role, personal relevance and value. This can seriously impact on self esteem and confidence.
Many people define themselves through their job. Ask someone to 'tell me about yourself' and often their job is a key part of the reply. Work is often the biggest part of our life, the hours and committment required to do a good job often take precedance over other things, like family and social life, or even health concerns.
Ageing gracefully has to play a part in decisions over future goals and decisions. Youth brings its own energy and enthuiasm, but often other pressures factor in, like stress, finances, career. As we age often a calmness and easier sense of balance can come about. There is often less intensity, less extremes of emotions. The sophistication of life experiences can bring a less urgent sense of perspective to life events.
So, how to find a good balance in life as retirement approaches ?
- Personal relationships need to be nurtured and invested in so that when the children come to leave home, or the daily work routine comes to change, partners and friends are still there and an important part of life.
- It's important to find a balance between the energy required in working to maintain ones own standards, whilst appreciating that one is not a teenager anymore.
- Listen to ones body, for fatigue, health, sleep needs, dietary changes, recuperation times. Learn to notice the 'amber light', like with traffic lights, that flashes to alert a need to slow or maybe stop for a little while.
- Read magazines, take advice from salons, beauty counters, tasteful friends, fashion consultants. Whilst appreciating what suits, it's also important not to be stuck with the same look for years ago. Keeping stylish and smart is a huge factor in energy levels and personal confidence.
- Exercise is important. Many leisure centres and gyms have cheaper memberships or daily rates for over 50's and often run special sessions.
Golf clubs and bowling clubs often encourage over 50's in daytime memberships.
- Maybe think of taking up a skill or hobby. Many local colleges do recreational courses in languages, arts and crafts, interests that people have but where there is no need to take an exam at the end. The University of the Third Age has a lot to offer in this area.
- Voluntary work can be very satisfying. Many organisations rely heavily on skilled, talented, energetic people who are no longer employed in regular jobs. Charity Organisations, the League of Friends, the National Trust are just three examples.
Think of retirement as an opportunity to do the things that you have wanted to do, maybe travel, see the grandchildren more, take up that hobby or interest, whilst at the same time, being able to do it on your own terms. A new phase of life to be enjoyed and appreciated.
For further information:
Retirement - How to Age Gracefully
Lifestyle Therapy
3 Alstone Drive
Oldfield Brow
Altrincham
Cheshire
WA14 4LD
United Kingdom
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News Ref:1532
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